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Love, Relationships and Sex

Put the technology down for crying out loud!

January 15, 2018

Opportunities are knocking at your door, but you’re not answering it.


A beautiful woman sends a smile your way, but you miss it. A guy intriguingly checks you out, but again, you miss it. An elderly woman needs help opening a door, but you don’t see her. A vicious animal is running toward you and about to chomp at your leg, but you don’t see it coming. Ok, chances are that last example won’t happen….or can it?

Starbucks, a place where java-loving addicts come to get their coffee fix, also one of my favorite places to people watch. The barista’s behind the counter are not the only ones who are very busy. Have you ever taken a glance at the folks in line? Everyone seems to be looking down on their technology.


Going out to eat is one of America’s favorite things to do. Sure, people are eating, but are they really enjoying the company of those at their table? When their technology is on the table and they continue to glance at it every couple minutes or so, how can they be fully engaged. Isn’t the person you are with important to you?


It’s interesting. Every time I leave to the house to go somewhere, I make a mental note not to be on my technology, to be present and fully aware of my surroundings. Do you know how many amazing people I have met because of this?! Including a celebrity, that was incognito, but I took notice of it. (It was a pretty cool experience!)

This is a small world. You never know who you are going to meet. You never know ‘who knows who’. Perhaps amazing opportunities will happen for you. Maybe you will meet a romantic partner, score a job opportunity or make someone’s day just by asking “Hi. 


How are you?”


Be more present. Make it your new addiction. Watch what happens!

Why does there seem to be so many singles?

February 14, 2018

This interesting question came up in one of my networking groups. And many agreed, why does there seem to be so many singles today? Today, everyone seems accessible, as there are tons of networking/singles groups, dating online, social media platforms and people are taking better care of themselves more than ever, making individuals much more attractive, so what gives? Well, I will narrow it down and share with you, as to what I see, from my experience.


#1. We are living in a society of wanting things fast and wanting it now. Where does this leave room for building a beautiful relationship? It is imperative to build a foundation which leads to something great, but that has been lost, falling into the category of impatience.


#2. Careers ahead of family/marriage. Women have really done an amazing job in their careers, climbing up the ladder, making it to the top and being successful, but wanting to start a family and getting married is being put on the back burner.


#3. Gender role reversal. Men used to love the chase, as they value what they have to work for. And women loved to be the one that the man has "caught", as it showed she is worth pursuing. Now, more women are chasing men and men don't have that much chasing to do. But men still like a challenge. So now what?


#4. Physical appearance has become more important than character. So sad, but we live in an age where we now photoshop pictures to make ourselves look perfect, but there is no such thing. No one is perfect. I find that people will dismiss someone so quickly and unfairly, for the simple reason of "not being everything that they envisioned physically." Yes, there has to be some form of attraction, but what people don't realize is that, sometimes chemistry can be created outside of physicality. A mental chemistry with someone is so sexy!


#5. Good old social media has become somewhat of a mediator of "friendships." Your 3,000 friends on Facebook or Instagram are not REAL FREINDS. Sadly, today, many do not know how to grow, keep and cherish something real, which leads to not understanding how romantic relationships work. The outcome, either one-night stands or very short-lived connections.


#6. Afraid of divorcing again. There are a number of people who got married too young and ended up divorcing. Typically, these people would prefer not to divorce again, so the 2nd time around, when looking for a partner, they will be much more choosier and will take it much, much slower.

How to connect with someone

March 1, 2018

We hear people say this all of the time,

“Well, I didn’t really connect with him, so I never called him back.” Or, “I felt a deep connection with Olivia and look forward to doing business with her.”

What does that mean to “connect” with someone? I want to break it down as short and sweet as possible, so that you have an understanding on what it means to connect with someone. Whether you are single and dating or attending networking events, it is imperative to understand the art of connecting with people. Besides, it’s pretty easy. Let me help you through this.


For starters, having a connection with someone means that you are happily engaged in a conversation, without feeling awkward and uncomfortable. You enjoy their company and look forward to seeing them again. You won’t feel this way with everyone, only those you connect with.


So how exactly do you connect with people?


1. Always look approachable. Always be aware of your posture. Have you ever seen someone with exceptional posture? Confidence exudes from them and you want to know who they are. This can work for you too.


2. Make eye contact, it’s engaging. I am always blown away on how difficult people find this. I am not suggesting staring someone down while speaking to them, that’s incredibly creepy, but in order to connect with someone, there needs to be eye contact. This is essential. If you feel as though you need help in this area, practice with friends and relatives.


3. Seem genuinely interested. Always. Try to really listen to what people are saying without looking bored or annoyed. How do you do that? Don’t look at your watch, your phone or look around the room for “better people to talk to” while they are in the middle of a story.


4. Smile. I don’t need to expand on this. It’s obvious that those who smile more, attract more people. Simple.


5. Have open body language. When speaking with people, never have your arms crossed or your body turned/tilted in another direction. This shows that you are completely uninterested. Be aware of this.


6. Ask questions. This will show people that you are interested in learning more about them. People love nothing more than to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.


7. Don’t interrupt. This drives me nuts! Let someone finish a sentence before voicing your thoughts. With this, be sure not to say “Right” a hundred times while someone is in the middle of speaking. Some will do this just by habit. Pay attention and try not to do that.


8. Don’t dominate the conversation. No one, and I repeat no one, wants to hear someone go on and on and on talking about themselves. Conversations should be like a volleyball match, where you have the ball, then I have the ball etc. The same can be applied with words, you say what you need to say, then I say what I need to say etc., all within a respectable time frame.

Is your attitude keeping men away?

February 1, 2018

Your friends tell you that they thought you were a complete snob until they got to know you. They also joke with you, sometimes, that you are such a bee-otch! People don’t easily open up to you and you only smile when you hear a really funny joke, but it has to be really, really funny. Whenever you go out, you can’t understand why men never hit on you. You blame them. But not so fast lady! Your attitude, whether you think you have one or not, is sending men far away from you. Why the attitude? Time to drop this bad habit and start meeting men!


I hope that I have you thinking a bit deeper on the subject at this point. If it sounds familiar, then make a change as soon as you are finished reading this. There are men out there, good men, looking for great women like you. But you have to be approachable. I speak to single men on a daily basis and what they tell me is that there are a ton of beautiful women out there, but only a small handful of them would they feel comfortable approaching. The reason is quite simple: you do not look approachable. Sure you may have your best dress on, the tallest high heels, a fabulous blow-out and flawless make-up, but if you don’t look friendly, a man doesn’t want to waste his time trying to “break down your walls.”


So here is what you need to do. When you are out, simply smile more. Men are attracted to happy women that exude good energy, it’s what they are drawn to. In their mind, they believe that they may have a shot with you. Do you think that you can make that small change? Of course you can. Start tonight!

Dating Online?  Here's what you may be doing wrong

February 11, 2018

1. Your profile picture is completely off. Sorry everyone, but the truth must be told. Your photo’s are everything! People will judge you and decide if they are open to meeting you within 10 seconds. Sounds harsh right? Your photo MUST be on point. Bonus points if it is done professionally, which I highly recommend. But if you took the photo yourself, here are a few things that you need to know. Are you photo’s:


(a)Too sexy. If everything else in your profile is off, the photo should not be. This is what drives your audience in and sparks a potential interest. Are you too sexy? Ok, you may get a ton of emails, but for what reason? Showing too much butt, boobs, abs, thighs etc…will only get people that are interested in 1 thing, sex. Leading with sex is fine, as long as you’re not looking for a long term relationship. And by the way, it’s getting really old!


(b)On the other hand, too conservative. I had a woman hire me to rewrite her dating profile. She was a beautiful woman. Her biggest complaint was that she never received any emails, ever! I couldn’t understand this, until I saw her main profile picture. A business suit! Really? That’s a big no-no, save that for the office.


(c)Not smiling. Why? A smile is the best accessory that you can wear. It’s inviting and instantly makes someone more attractive. This must be in your photo.


(d)Trying too hard. A forced smile, too much make-up, in front of your sports car, a selfie at the gym or that famous “kissy face”, are all driving the wrong visitors to your profile. It will also show the true colors of your maturity level. Perception of one another is important to remember. The perception that you give is what you will attract.


2. The content. After a person finds your photo visually pleasing, they will now make their way to the content of your profile. Here are some things that are hurting your chances of meeting your match:


(a)You babble on about yourself for so long! Some people will just type, and type and type….etc. until they’ve put every little detail about themselves in the profile. YAWN, so boring! The key is, less is more.

(b)Way too little content. Short, blunt 1 or 2 word answers tell your readers a few things. You are boring, have no patience to fill out the questions or you are really not interested in the process. Major turn-off!

(c)Negativity. Believe it or not, I see this A LOT! Many people feel the need to list the attributes of what they are not looking for. To the reader, this comes across as bitter and negative. We all don’t want to date a dishonest person, a cheater, a narcissist, an alcoholic etc., so there is no point in making this known. Again, let’s go back to perception. You will be perceived as someone who has dated all of the latter and has a guard up. Chances are, you will take the history of your ex’s, and possibly use it against your next partner. Leave the past in the past and always start fresh with a clean slate.


Need more tips? Need an online dating profile makeover? If you have been online now for at least 6 months and you are not meeting people, something is wrong. Contact us today and get dating!

When I first discovered the power of true love.....

March 1, 2018

I had a life changing experience, in which I had witnessed the most simple and purest form of Love. My wonderful parents had been together since high school, happily married for 33 years, with 2 daughters (my sister & I) and still going strong. We had the perfect family. Until the day came that I had always feared. The day my beautiful mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. 2 months after her diagnosis, the Lord called her home.


In that 2 months, my sister, my father and I had no other choice but to be strong. Watching our loved one become consumed by this monster called cancer, showed us a side of life that we had never seen before. We knew that time was precious. My dad never left the hospital. My sister and I were taking shifts to be with my dad, who was ALWAYS with my mom. He could care less about visiting hours, he made up his own visiting hours and it would take a whole army to drag him away from my mom. He never showed her that he was afraid, with the hopes it would keep her strong. My dad made sure my mom was taken care of by making her laugh, rubbing her feet, reminiscing, ordering or making whatever food she wanted. He made her feel good in a crucial moment in time. He made her feel good until the very end. When the day came that my mom became an angel, we were by her side, until her last breath. Holding and hugging one another, we cried asking "WHY?" Why does this have to happen to such a strong, loving family.


Why am I sharing this with you? Because in those 2 months I had witnessed my dad slowly lose the love of his life. The woman that he had loved his entire life was taken away from him. I realized then, how powerful love really is.


For me, it is more than Matchmaking. I want to help people understand the power of Love and that everyone is capable of having an amazing relationship if they let love in. I will help you. Now I hope you understand why this is more than just my career. It is my passion. My calling.

Now that you know a little bit about me, I would love to hear about you! We all have a story to tell and I want to hear your story. The up's and down's that life throws at us are unpredictable. But wouldn't it be great to go through those up's and down's with a partner by your side who will be there until the end. Just like my dad."

Romance at the office. A Do or a Don't? I say both....allow me to explain

March 15, 2018

The majority of us who work a full-time job will be at their workplace for 40+ hours a week. Chances are, there are certain levels of stress, pressure, deadlines, crazy multitasking, financial goals & endless meetings taking place. So just when you had enough, along comes in the new HOT employee of the company. You are instantly attracted to this person. Suddenly it’s getting warm in your office. Immediately you feel energized, alive and check yourself out in the mirror to make sure that you look presentable. So, do you act out on asking him or her out? Do you wait with the hopes that they will ask you out? Do you ignore these feelings of yours and continue to fantasize in your mind? Let me help you make this decision.


When not to date: When the hottie employee is hired, keep your hands off for the first couple of months. It’s way too soon to explore your “physical feelings.” It is very important to build a professional relationship first. While building a professional relationship with this person, you will discover his or her loyalty, work ethic, daily habits, social behavior and flaws. The “feelings” that you had in the beginning can now be completely different, whether for the better or worse, but at least you gave it time to discover these feelings. If you decide to make a move after a few months, be sure to keep it outside of the office. And remember, you are at work 40+ hours a week with this potential partner. Keep in mind that if things go wrong, you must be able to shake it off and continue on as if absolutely nothing happened, and that can be quite challenging, especially for women. Your work environment needs to stay professional at all times.


When to make a move: Above, I mention waiting a few months to get to know one another, and not just acting out upon sexual desires. After a few months, if there has been some back & forth flirting, a few dates and a sense of knowing that this person is coming from a mature, sincere place, then go for it! We are all adults here, and I, for one, know through experience, that you can find love anywhere. Yes, even in the workplace. Be sure to tread carefully and be mature about it.

My habits for a happy & healthy marriage

April 2, 2018

I’ve been with my husband for over a decade and we still manage to give one another butterflies every now & then. This kind of love does exist in this modern, technology-driven, crazy world that we live in. I want to share with you my habits to an amazing love life. Whether you are currently in a relationship, or seeking one, which if you are seeking one, then contact me right away, I want you to understand what it takes to be an amazing partner. These examples are from my personal experiences.


1. We both put our marriage first, period. We acknowledge and respect the sacrament of marriage and in no way, will compromise that.


2. We never go to bed angry. We’ve learned that to value a mature relationship is to be mature on all levels. We are a couple, we argue, that’s natural. But we know when to end an argument. We admit when we are wrong and move forward. No grudges.


3. We share a similar lifestyle. We both eat healthy, workout and make it a top priority to do so. It keeps the energy level high, makes us feel good on the inside and keeps the sexiness alive!


4. Kindness. 7 days a week. This is simple. We are kind to one another every single day.  When my husband is happy, I am happy and vice versa.  Even in a heated argument, there is never any name calling or harsh words that we may later on regret.  We are adults and mature, so we act like it at all times.


5. Compliments & Sweet Gestures. This should never go away in a relationship, no matter if you are with someone for 5 minutes or 50 years. We are always complimenting one another and doing “the little things”, specifically, leaving little notes of sweet words in random places.


6. I have my Ladies Night out and he has his Guys Night out. We never question each other when we decide that one of us wants to meet up with some friends. Sometimes women need to get together and talk about “women stuff.” And guys need to get together to chat about “manly stuff.” It’s so important.


7. Sex is a priority.  Maybe this should have been #1!  Anyone that tells you that sex is not important in a relationship is someone you never want to seek advice from.  Sure, with work, kids and the stresses of life, sometimes you just want to go straight to bed at the end of the day because you are exhausted. Great, but this can’t happen every single night. Husband & Wife “Sexy Time” is super important to us.


8. Alone time is healthy. I know that my husband likes some time to himself after a long, hard day at work. I respect this. He also knows that sometimes I just want to spend a day shopping all by myself. I know, typical woman, but hey, it relaxes me!


9. We never take each other for granted. We’ve both been through so much in life and realize that our time here is temporary. Life is truly precious. We cherish every day that we are together, as tomorrow is not promised.


10. We know our roles in our marriage and don’t complain about them. I cook, clean and let my husband lead, feminists please don't come after me, while my husband repairs my car, takes out the trash, opens my doors and treats me to every date night . Traditional roles work for us. I am not looking to compete with him in any way.

The top 5 things that divorced men have in common

May 15, 2018

#1 They want to move on already. Chances are, the divorce process was very stressful and took place over a long period of time. They are done. They want peace. They are looking forward to a fresh start with someone new.


#2 They are looking for a woman that is “easy”. Ladies it's not what you think! The fact that he is divorced means that something went wrong in his marriage. He is now looking to meet a woman that is not going to be difficult. A divorced man does not want to get a divorce 2 times, though some do, so he will be extra careful on who his next serious lady will be. Will she be happy? Optimistic? Loving? Trustworthy? Sexy? Yes, she will be, because most likely his previous marriage was lacking at least one of the latter. So if you are falling for a man that has been divorced, don’t be difficult.


#3 They learned from their mistakes. It doesn't matter who filed for the divorce, himself or his ex-wife. A man will still feel as though he failed at his marriage. If he has intentions of marrying again, the good news is that he will have a good understanding of what went wrong in his previous marriage and be cautious not to journey down the same path.


#4 They will never tell you the entire truth. About the reason for the divorce, that is. Have you ever heard of that saying, “there are two sides to every story, and then there’s the truth”? This is correct. You may inquire about his divorce and use it to your own discretion, but do not take what he is saying as the 100% truth. I am not implying that divorced men lie, not at all, but he might not be so quick to tell you his faults in relations to the crumbling of his marriage, due to embarrassment or denial. The same situation can be applied to divorced women as well. A good man will never speak of his ex-wife in any negative or mean content. Remember that.


#5 If he had children with his ex-wife, then a good man will continue on with his parental duties as an active father and a loving dad.  DO NOT interfere with this.  A good father/man will never let a woman come between him and his children. He has no time for a woman that will be jealous of time spent at birthday parties, holidays etc. In his eyes, you are not #1, his children are. If you can’t accept that, then he is not for you.

If you were to follow only 1 piece of relationship advice, make it this one!

June 1, 2018

Everyone needs to understand the importance of what I am about to share with you. Whether you are single, in a new relationship or together with your honey for 50+ years, this is the most important advice anyone will ever give you. Are you ready? Well, before I give you my golden advice, I want to remind people on why couples get together, stay together and then get married. It all comes down to this: Your partner fell in love with you and you fell in love with your partner! Simple right? Not so fast. Then why do some couples fall out of love? What makes people grow apart? Sometimes, couples will start resenting one another and can't even stand to be in their partners presence. To me, that is so sad. What happened to the love? I'll tell you what happened........here is my advice and please always remember it:


The things you did in the beginning to "woo" your partner, do throughout the entire relationship!


Please re-read that sentence again and let it marinate. Ladies, remember how much you wanted to impress your man, and wanted him to want you? So every weekend, you would find something sexy to wear for him, maybe making monthly trips to Victoria's Secret because you knew that's what he liked. Remember how you would randomly rub his shoulders? Or happily cook him a delicious dinner? You complained and nagged very little, because you didn't want to scare him away! Let's be honest here, you were also trying to get him to solidify the relationship, with the hopes of him proposing marriage right? I thought so! Guys, remember the romantic dinners that you surprised your lady with? Or perhaps brought her random flowers? What about the times that you complimented her for being pretty or even being the best girlfriend ever? The type of behavior that "won" your partner MUST continue throughout the entire time that the 2 of you are together. You must remember to continue to date your partner, whether you are married or not. Ladies, continue, until the day you die, to be sweet & sexy. Guys, you absolutely cannot forget to compliment your lady and treat her to romantic dinners, or whatever it was that the 2 of you did in the beginning, do now & forever. Consistency is a strong key factor here, maintain it, and you win

Love at first sight. Is there such a thing?

June 15, 2018

lust:

noun very strong sexual desire.


love:

noun an intense feeling of deep affection.


NO! There is not. There is lust at first sight, which many people do confuse as love for some reason. Love is a very strong, passionate and powerful feeling. People throw around that word as if it didn’t have a significant meaning behind it.


Love takes time. There is no exact timing as to how long it can take to admit in loving someone, but it’s definitely not overnight. Here is the example that I always share with my clients. It’s about foundation building that leads to love.

As you are driving, you pass a mansion, a huge, beautifully landscaped mansion that takes your breath away. You start to slow down and notice all of the details that makes this a masterpiece. It’s stunning. Now, do you think that this mansion was built in a day? How about a week or a month? Of course not. It started with a foundation. After the foundation was set into place, the structure of the house was added. Then came the walls, the flooring, the paint, the décor, the landscaping etc. It took time and patience. 


Do you get where I’m going here?


Foundation building is essential to real love and longevity. Too many people skip over this very important step because of impatience and wanting love fast and wanting it now. But then it’s not real, and you’ve concocted this illusion of true love from what it really is, lust.


So what exactly is foundation building? It’s slowing down and actually getting to know one another. Date each other and on those dates, share little facts about your life one date at a time, not your whole life story. Wait to have sex. Believe it or not, sex can complicate relations in the early stages if there aren’t any strong feelings involved, especially with women. A man should court a woman and the two of you, during this courtship, should be enjoying the process of getting to know one another. It’s such an exciting time, why rush it? Don’t you want to feel butterflies after a date? Don’t you want to smile when you see that person calling you, ready to make plans with you for the weekend? Please slow down and enjoy the dating process with patience and curiosity. The pay off will be well worth it, I promise!


P.S. I would like to make an exception here. I did experience love at first sight with the birth of my son. I give all moms a pass on this topic, as you can’t help but to fall head over heels in love when meeting your child for the first time. This blog pertains to man + woman relations.

When is the right time to introduce my kids to my boyfriend/girlfriend?

July, 1 2018

This is a subject that I wish people would take more seriously. When there are children involved, especially when they are very young, my first concern, always, are the children, way before your dating needs, wants or desires. And hopefully, being the responsible parent that you are, you feel the same way.


With that said, it should be close to a  year before even thinking of introducing anyone that you are dating to your kids. Some of you may have just rolled your eyes at me now, but trust me on this. They should be your #1 obligation over everything else in your life, especially your dating life. As a Matchmaker, it is my job to learn and understand someone’s dating patterns and how it is affecting their current dating situation and unfortunately, all too often, I’ve seen people dragging their kids in and out of their love life as if it was nothing! As if it didn’t affect the kids at all. Well guess what folks? It does affect your kids. They can easily get attached to your partner, just as easily as you can. So if you are dating several people, or introducing them to someone new every 3 months, chances are it is causing them confusion and a sense of loss with each and every partner you break up with. Not only that, but they have a good chance of repeating your behavior in their future. After all, this is what they are seeing and what you are exposing them to. You don’t really want that, do you?


Statistics show that it takes a good year to really get to know someone, with the first 6 months of meeting them are filled with butterflies and lust, while the remaining 6 months are really learning about their true character, personality, lifestyle, work habits etc. This is extremely important because introducing your kids to someone that you don’t even know can be dangerous and irresponsible on your end. Your job is to protect them. How can you possibly protect them when you are introducing them to total strangers?


I would like to add 1 more very important thing here, since we are speaking about kids. If you have a dating profile up online and have any pictures up with you and your kids, take them down immediately. Your kids are no one else’s business and a photo of them SHOULD NOT be up on a dating site. There are sick people in the world that will wiggle their way into your world just to get to your kids. It’s harsh and scary to imagine, but these people are out there and you need to be aware of the dangers.  Be a good parent. Protect them.

Tips for an awesome first date

July 22, 2018

Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, first dates are nerve racking, for everyone. Somehow it can feel like an interrogation, sitting across from a perfect stranger who is inquiring about your life, both past & present. There will also be some awkward moments involved, such as, when it goes silent and it seems as though the two if you have no idea what to talk about next. 30 seconds of silence can feel like an hour!


But it doesn’t have to be. Follow my first date tips below and nail your first date with confidence and have a good time.


1. Show up on time. This shows that you are responsible. If your date is sitting there waiting for you, it can leave them anxious.


2. Compliment them in the first 3 minutes. The key here is a small compliment, you don’t want to come across as a nut job by telling them that they are the hottest person you’ve ever seen in your life. Keep it simple and this is sure to set a positive tone from the start. Give a small compliment, such as, “Your dress is beautiful” or “Your perfume is amazing!” Ladies, you can compliment a guy by telling him “You look great” or “I love what you’re wearing” etc….. This will make your date smile. Guaranteed.


3. Be kind to the staff. No matter where you guys are going on your first date, you are sure to come across a staff member. Showcase your exceptional mannerisms by saying “Please” and “Thank You.”


4. Sit up straight. This shows that you exude confidence and nothing is sexier! People who slouch tend to come across as lazy and insecure. Which do you prefer to be?


5. Be genuinely interested. On a first date, please don’t be distracted by your phone, a gorgeous waiter/waitress or look aimlessly around the room. Give your date your undivided attention and ask questions when they need to be asked. Put your best listening ears on. You are getting to know this person. If you are not fully engaged, there will be no date #2.


6. Keep it classy. Slowly sip on your wine with a maximum of 2 glasses, less if you are a lightweight like myself! Watching your date steadily sip can actually be quite sexy. Show self- control by not drinking like a fish, slurring your words or falling over. And don’t forget to “Cheers” your date!


7. Watch your words. Chances are, if you are seated for more than an hour, you may have to use the restroom. That’s fine, we are human, but please avoid saying things such as “I have to go pee” or “Nature calls”or even “I have to use the John.” Your date doesn’t want to hear that. Excuse yourself, like the lady or gentleman you are, by saying “Excuse me. I’ll be right back.”  And since we are talking about lingo, let's be sure to leave out all profanity.  


8. Go home alone. After saying goodnight and thanking your date for a lovely evening, go your separate ways. Again, let’s keep it classy and not be whores.


9. For the guys, if you were interested in her, call her the next day. There is always a debate around the timing of when to call. Fella’s, show her that you are interested in her by calling her the next day and letting her know that you had a great time and that you would like to take her out again. If she is also interested in you, this will give you mega-points! Not only do you come across as confident and manly, but it will prevent her from guessing how the date went. And trust me, us women go over every detail of the date night in our head the next day! She will be pleasantly surprised to hear from you, which in turn, will already set a positive tone for date #2. You totally got this!

What not to do on a first date. No, really. Don’t do these!

August 2, 2018

First dates can be incredibly nerve racking, even for the most confident, outgoing people. As a Certified Matchmaker, I have heard endless stories of single men and women who didn’t understand how they didn’t land a second date, that is, until I asked some questions and got into details with them on things that they did wrong to completely turn off their potential. I was going to write a blog post with the “do’s and don’ts of dating”, but chose to stick with the “Don’ts” first so that it will stick in your memory bank better. Here is my list of “don’ts” when out on your first date. Please, please, please try to avoid the following at all costs. I want you to land a 2nd date, and a 3rd and a 4th!


AVOID:


1. Being late. This is rude and can leave your date feeling nervous and anxious, not the type of first impression you want to make, and it can instantly be a turn-off. If the reason for being late is out of your control, such as a traffic jam, be sure to call your date with an apology and an approximate time of your arrival. If you are working with a Matchmaker, be sure to call them right away, so that they can contact your date to fill them in. Please do not be careless about this and think that your date will sit there forever waiting for you. Letting them know exactly what’s going on is taking their feelings into consideration, and you will be forgiven!


2. Dominating the conversation. Oh God, this drives me nuts! No one wants to sit and listen to someone go on and on and on about themselves for a long period of time, even if you are the most amazing, interesting and intelligent person in the world. Be very aware of how much you talk about yourself. I always tell my clients this, a pleasant conversation should be like a tennis match, first you have the ball, then I have the ball etc. One person doesn’t have the ball the entire game, otherwise it’s pointless. Do you get my point?


3. Not engaging enough in the conversation. This is the complete opposite from point #2. If you are not engaging in the conversation in asking questions and sharing some things about yourself, you will appear to be dull, boring or seem to be hiding something. You will have your date praying that the fire alarm would go off just so the date would end! Do you really want to be the one that makes someone feel that way? I didn’t think so. If you are the type of person where your nerves get the best of you and you can’t help but to be extra quiet, well then jot some interesting topics to chat about down on paper before the actual date. Be sure not to bring the paper on the date though! Memorize it so you don’t get creepily quiet. I’ll have more about different topics to talk about on a first date in another post.


4. Getting drunk. You will become ugly, say things that you shouldn’t, loose respect from your date and look sloppy. Come on. Let’s be grown and sexy here. You know your limits. Stay under those limits, way under! You can also put yourself in harm’s way. It’s a first date, remember, you don’t know this person that you are going to meet and getting drunk will bring your guard and commonsense down to a minimum. Please keep it classy. Always!


5. Being rude to the staff. First date or not, this should never happen. If you are on a date with someone who has class and manners, this will turn them off for sure. You are not better than anyone else in the room, so don’t pretend like you are. We are all human beings and each and every one of us deserves respect. Using words such as “Please” “Thank You” and “Excuse Me” will show your date that you are a respectable person with good mannerisms. Hello Turn-On!


6. Coming on too strong. Boy, if I had a dollar for every time I heard this scenario, I would be living in the hidden hills of Beverly! Bringing up the conversation of wanting marriage tomorrow or your strong desire to have kids within the next 6 months, will terrify your date. And let’s be clear here, this pertains to both men and women, both are just as guilty. Do not ever use the phrase “my family is really pressuring me to get married and have babies.” If you say this, prepare to pick your dates jaw off of the floor. It’s too much pressure for one person to handle. Take it one step at a time and slow down!  It's ok to talk about wanting marriage one day, in fact I think it should be discussed, but avoid putting a time limit on your wishes!


7. Having sex the first night. I’m going to get really honest here. I think this is trashy and slutty. If your one and only goal is to get laid by a perfect stranger, then go right ahead and be my guest. But if you are looking for a potential life partner, someone to marry and to spend the rest of your life with, this is a serious NO! Most of the time, when people have a one night stand, nothing comes out of it. What the hell is the point? To have an orgasm? Come on, you can do that on your own! Be a lady, or a gentleman, with more class and patience. The longer you wait to get to know someone, the better the sex will be, that my friends, I can promise you!


8. Bad hygiene. I can’t believe that I have to even mention this. If you arrive to your date and you just came from the sweaty gym, did not brush your teeth, are wearing too much cologne/perfume, have on wrinkled clothing, dirty fingernails or have last night’s makeup on, then shame on you. Go home! No one wants to be on a date with someone who made zero effort into making themselves clean and attractive. This shows your date a preview of who you really are, a filthy pig! Ouch, sorry, but it’s the truth.


9. Getting too personal, too soon.  Your aunt is a drunk, you hate your job and want to quit, you had roaches in your apartment, you still have feelings for your ex, you mention how many people you have slept with, you express your sexual fantasies, your ex ruined your credit, you have gas and your stomach hurts, you have your period etc.  Let's just stop there.  If you are trying to get this person to NOT like you, then please, talk about the latter.  But if you are interested in someone and want to impress them, which you should be doing, refrain from getting too personal too soon.   

The top 2 mistakes that divorced people make when they start to date again.

October 24, 2018

Going through a divorce is a long, drawn-out and exhausting process that can take years to complete, or several  months if you are lucky.  You can become so turned off with the thought of sharing your life with a partner for awhile, or you may have just felt alone for so long, even though you were married, that you are ready to jump back on the dating scene right away.  There are some mistakes that I have seen many divorced people make on a first date that I would love to share with you, so that you don't make the same mistakes.  They may not seem like a big deal to you right now, but keep these points in mind while out on a date because it will make or break for a second date.  Before I state the following points, you must make a self-assessment as to whether or not you are really ready to start dating again.  You must be in a positive state of mind, happy with yourself, and where you are presently at in your life, and feel confident that you are able to share your life again with someone without feeling bitter, bruised or broken.  You must be fully healed from your divorce and ready to start fresh.  There is no time for dwelling on the past, constant regretting or animosity.  With that said, if you are ready for your first date, avoid scaring off a potential partner by taking in the following:


#1.  Talking bad about your ex.  This happens almost every single time divorced people go out on a first date!  It's very easy to accidentally strike up this conversation, please be aware of that, especially if the conversation is not flowing organically and you need to rush into a topic of discussion.  Trash talking your ex leads your date to believe that you are still hurt, torn and bitter about the whole divorce, making it noticeably clear that you are not ready for a mature relationship.  People are not stupid and an intelligent person understands that it takes 2 people to divorce and that both parties are at fault here.  Yes, both parties, some may disagree with that statement, but it's the truth.  Think about it, Would you want to sit there across from a total stranger and listen to them bitch and complain about their ex?  Who does!  Think about how that would make you feel.  If you are asked about what had happened in your last marriage, as to why it ended, keep it short and sweet with minimum details.  Do not blame your ex.  Do not start to cry.  Do  not mention how much it's hurting your kids etc.   This is all a major turn-off.   Do not spend more than 2 minutes talking about it.  This date needs to be positive in order to land another date. 


#2.  Comparing your date to your ex.  Now this is interesting to mention because many of you are so unaware that you are guilty of this.  I really need you to focus on the simplicity of the above statement.  So we all know that you were married before and chances are, that there may be some feelings that you may still have for your ex.  If not, there are definitely some qualities that you loved about your ex, no matter how ugly it turned.   What I see people do is they will take every single "good"quality about their ex and try to find that exact person, sans the "not-so-good" qualities.  They want to feel the same exact way they did when they initially first met their ex, which was, butterflies in the stomach and feeling like a teenager. That is perfectly fine, in fact, I want you to find that again.  The problem comes in when people start to compare the feelings that they once had for their ex to someone new.  Why?  Because it is familiar and people like to have that sense of familiarity, it's comforting and knowing, but can also backfire.  As life continues on day by day, I want people to progress in the right direction of their life, not live in the past, because obviously that did not work out well for you.  Take your time to really get to know people without comparisons, harsh judgments or having sex too soon.  Slow down and enjoy the process of dating again.  If someone is not for you, or you come across a red flag, end it immediately,  There is no time to fix or try to change someone, that never happens.  Move on asap.